Black Bear Watch!

Your number one site for Black bear sighting and protection. (Well, who are we kidding, evasion.)

A mother Black Bear relaxing - after the hunt.

Vicious jaws of fury!

A mass of fury and evil - waiting to be unleashed.

"There's nothing more terrifying than a mother Black Bear after her cubs were approached by two innocent woodland travellers. Maybe that and Boy George." - Abraham Lincon, 1884

Too true, Abe, too true. In fact, even Boy George gets scared of Black Bears. Yet the fact is, many people don't think Black Bears are a threat to hikers, campers, or lost teenagers making a film about a witch in their local woods. Well, those people are communists.

"But there's been less than 2 recorded Black Bear related deaths in twenty years!" some may say. But the key word in that statement is RECORDED. How can a death be recorded if THERE'S NO BODY LEFT TO RECORD IT? Black Bears are in fact a threat. They will find you. And they will kill you.

But how can I stay safe? you might ponder. Well, that's the purpose of this site: to inform people of Black Bear sightings in their area and provide helpful hints on how to evade these demons of the wood. Simply follow the links to the left to help you stay alive - when the jaws of death are so tantalizingly close.

News Updates:

November 27th: It worries me that some people, (I'm not naming names, but she has the initals Ruiqi Li) aren't concerned about the impending full scale invasion of Black Bears upon Mankind. Perhaps they (she) doesn't fully grasp the concept that Black Bears, for the past twenty years, have been allowing us to lower our guards so that they can march on D.C. and catch our "beloved" leaders with their pants down and a claw up their ass, turning D.C. into a puppet regime (metaphoriclly and literally, if you catch my drift.) If you don't believe in the Black Bears as a threat, the terrorists win. And who funds the terrorists? Need I say, the Black Bears.

September 22nd: Iran has just released information of their new missle project: The ICBB, or Intercontenental Ballistic Bear. The process is simple: Get a bear inside the nose of the missle, and launch. When the missle is 1000 feet over the target, the nose detaches, releasing the bear. The bear's protective bubble inflates, allowing it to bounce upon impact on the ground, but then burts, setting the bear loose on the world. Such an atrocity should be the immediate concern of the U.N , U.S, U.K, U. A. E, Ukraine, Uganda, and any other "u" country I forgot.

-September 22nd: On August 22nd, I promoted MGM's new film "Black Bears on a Train". I fear this was a terrible mistake. Producing a film insulting Bleack Bears is possibly the most idiotic thing a person oculd do. As everyone knows, when Black Bears get angry, they think one thing: manflesh. Promoting this movie is a one way ticket to a banquet - where the main course in mankind.

- August 27th: MGM has just announced the title of the sequel to their new thrilling movie "Snakes On A Plane": "Black Bears On A Train"! It's true! Everyone's favourite hero Samuell L. Jackson will return, this time on an Amtrak continental trip (as if that wasn't torture enough) and yes, it will be his task to get the "Mother-%$#*@& bears of the Mother-%*$#@&U train". Stay posted for more updates on this horrifying, yet easily concievable, film.

Disclaimer: This site, with few exepctions, has litte to no actual factual support. Do not believe anything it says. Anyone who couldn't figure this out after reading the first three lines should probably be eaten by a Black Bear anyway.

Also: See Alex? You are wrong.

Black Bears - The biggest threat to man since canned bread.